If You're Reading This
by Gone But Not Forgotten
Summary: If you're readin' this...Louie goes brain dead. It's time to say good bye. Post 5x23. R&R!


**AN:**** Okay, brand new story! Yay! Inspired by the song "If You're Reading This" by Tim McGraw! R&R!**

**Disclaimer:**** CSI: New York is not mine, nor is "If You're Reading This".**

If You're Reading This

I stared into my brothers hospital room tryin' to think of a way to go back and tell 'im how much I really cared, but I couldn't do that now...he was gone. I wish he could've met Luce and Montana, but no he never got the chance to really meet his sister in-law or his niece. We'd gone to visit him as a family occasionally, but he'd never gotten to see the way Lucy's eyes shone when she found something interesting or how she'd walk over to the side of his bed and pat his hand and say: "Hi, Unckie Whou.", but Louie was brain dead now and the only thing left to do was let go. This afternoon they were turning off the machine's and you would die and that'd be it. Why couldn't I have forgiven him sooner? Then maybe none of this would've 'appened! My ma grasped my hand tightly as the Doctor turned off the machines. My head fell to my chest as the tears started to spill down my face. I couldn't look...I didn't want to, but I knew he was gone...We walked out of the corridor and into the waiting room were my parents stopped walking.

"Why don't you go get the car warmed up, Tony?" Ma said. Dad nodded and left. Ma wipped her tears and turned to face me. "Danny, when your brother joined the Tanglewood Boys he knew something like this could happen, it wasn't your fault." I nodded sadly. How was it not my fault? She pulled a plain white envelope from her purse and handed it to me. "Read this when you get home, darling." She said handing the envelope to me before following my father out. I stared at the envelope for a minute, spinning it in my hands. It was blank except for my name written on the one side in Louie's mess writing. I folded it in half and put it in my pocket before heading to the hospital garage to get on my bike so I could head home.

~o~O~o~

When I got home I could hear Montana in the kitchen makin' dinner and talkin' to Luce, but the envelope in my pocket kept me from goin' to join them. I sat down in the arm chair and opened it. A letter inside that was agian in Louie's messy writin'.

_Dear Danny,_

_If you're readin' this it means I died and...well...I've never really been good at these kinds of things...you know that, but I'll give it a shot._

_I know you're thinkin' it's you're fault and that if you'd just done something different I'd still be alive, but it wasn't your fault, it was mine and hey if I was still alive we'd probably still be havin' problems...speakin' o' that, I'm sorry I never told ya, but I got you outta there on purpose in '91. I knew Sonny was gunna kill that drug dealer and you weren't ready ta see that...Anything I've ever done was ta protect ya and please try an' remember that, kiddo. _

_If you ever got together with that country girl you talked about, I now you guys'll go far. From the way ya talked about 'er I could tell ya loved her. Tell her that despite the fact I never met 'er that she'd be a good sister in-law. If you have any kids, when they're old enough tell them my story, the whole thing, even the bad parts because I don' want 'em ta make my mistakes._

_If you're readin' this, you probably miss me (at least a little), but don'. Ya got ya whole life ahead o' ya, so go out and enjoy it, and let me go. You're an amazing person and I'm proud of ya for makin' the right choice. _

_Remeber that I love ya, baby bro._

_-Louie_

I couldn't believe it that didn't sound like my big brother at all. Louie had always been a tough guy who'd never shown 'is emotions, ever, but we hadn't gotten along as well as I would assume most siblings did since that day in '91.

"Dan, it's time to eat." Montana said walking into the room. I looked up at 'er with tears in my eyes. "What's that?"

"It's a letter from Louie..." I said with a slight smile. "Sayin' that I need to let go, realise it wasn't my fault, and that he was proud of me. It actually helped..."

"Then why are you still crying?" Montana asked sitting on my lap. My arms slid 'round 'er and she rested her head on my shoulder.

"I dunno...I'm still sad, but I feel better...I got to say goodbye." I answered shrugging. I leaned toward Montana and stopped with our faces mere inches apart. "He also said that you would've made a fantastic sister in-law." I stopped and looked at her. "I love you." I said pressing my lips to hers. Lucy started crying breaking us apart. I chuckled and we stood up and head towards our daughter.

I'd honor Louie's wish. When Lucy or any other kid I had was old enough I'd tell them Louie's story the whole thing not just the good happy bits, but all of it, every mistake he made, every choice he'd made. It'd be what could save them from their Uncle Louie's fate.

**AN:**** So there it is kinda sad kinda happy...R&R!!!**


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